bridges built, bridges burnt.

We all encounter different people every single day. If you're lucky, some bridges will be built.. who knows u may be building bridges to form a beautiful friendship. If you're luckier, well.. you would be building 1 for love. In order to build these bridges, i believe it takes the effort of both parties from each side, and they meet each other in between.

However in life, some bridges burn.. Sucks when that happened. I know.

Well I was finally happy after all the breakup, all the exams.. I was enjoying my life to the max, made a few new friends. Michelle was being an incredible friend and to be honest she has been such a blessing! She is the 1 that I kept hanging out with these days. Thanks to her I get to know a few good people too. Gabriel, Fabian, Christine, Sherena, Christ, Hendry.. All these people are super amazing and very nice to hang out with. So many new friends thanks to her. :)

Im incredibly thankful for her. With most of my friends in KL, it was tough living and facing four walls and your computer screen all the time. I needed to catch a breath. I needed to get out of the house. I needed to stop feeling guilty, to stop feeling that I owe someone something so huge.. I needed to have fun again. I needed a friend to hang out with, a shoulder to cry on, something to make me forget everything. Every piece of this breakup shit. When it hits you, it really hits you in the gut. Behind this smile, laughter, nobody knows the pain that I'm going thru whenever I'm alone. I'd think about us. Think if I made a right choice. Think of everything..

Well it doesn't matter anyways.. it seems like he's doing well too. "fucking hell" that I went to say hi to him and his friends when i was around. I guess I was too buddy buddy with his friends that I need to get used to the cold shoulder they gave. I thought they would be ok with me. I really do. I was wrong. They didn't want anything to do with me. Soo.. yeah. I was the "bitch who broke my ex's heart". Oh well I guess that's life and I just have to live with that, even with old bridges burnt... I built new bridges too in the process so although it hurt to see them treating me this way, i thank you, God, for blessing with me with a few more new, fun buddies. Thank You. I'm grateful. :)

who can understand

I'm praying to God.. I am a backslider.. yet now I'm turning back to Him. This is not a right reason for me to turn to Him.. but still..i need to.. because my mum has developed a cancer in her womb

I feel so grieved and sad, but I remained calm and cool so that my mom knows that I don't give up on the situation. At least someone needs to be positive in order for my mum to think positive too right? If i cry and show my despair in front of her, this is not going to help with her condition. The doctor told us that he needs to perform a surgery, which is to remove the entire womb.

BUT

my dad told her that his colleague's wife did that operation and a month later, she passed away.

Which decision should she take? I don't know which to encourage. If i encourage her to perform the surgery, this might not be good. But if i dont, the cancer may spread somewhere else. Please God, do not take my mom away from me. I'm not ready to lose her. Not yet. God, please. Have mercy on her. She doesn't deserve this. Please hear my cries God.. I beg You.

i need to stay strong in front of my siblings. Mom told me to keep this a secret from them. I have to pretend that i'm ok but inside i'm bleeding. I can only cry silently when all the lights are out and when mom is sleeping. It hurts so bad. It really does.

Plus, my mock exam is just looming around the corner(next week). I have no mood to study at all. All i can think about is my mom. How can i fix this? What should i do? God please do not forsake me at this hour.

what should i do

Two of my besties are transferring to ATC next sem.. I do not want to leave PTPL.. i really do not.. and i want them to stay with me as well.. sigh.. Guess i can't have my cake and eat it too, and i guess.. trouble would not stay away from me. No peace. There are several reasons why i do not like atc

1. the location

hello? that place is packed. Even if i drive i dont know if im able to find parking. aihhh

2. The people

Lets face it. One of the main reasons is because they are there.. I do not need people labelling me as a "bitch" or some other name.. namely "fake", from some misunderstanding 2 years ago. I just want to be loved. I love it in PTPL. I feel belonged.. i feel loved.. mainly because of my classmates. I love Alicia and Ann.. They are my really good friends. I cant bear to leave them. My lecturers are awesome. I love Kevin.. He's my ultimate favourite, despite the constant teasing. lol. I like him even more than Siraj. (not more than a lecturer duh!!) I love Jane.. I really enjoy her class a lot.. I love the college. I love everything about it despite the somewhat old facility.

Monday morning.. before Kevin's class i was bombarded with the information Ann gave me: they confirmed that they both.. wanted to transfer to ATC. I was in a state of shock. I couldn't concentrate. I was trying to hold back my tears. I wanted to cry. Well in the end i did. All i asked was WHY?

The other day.. during sem break i met Alicia in Chilis.. When she told me that she was having thoughts about leaving, i prayed to God.. I told Him, please.. God, please do not take them away from me. Do not take my good friends away from me. Please.

But in the end, He did. Its not decided yet but GOD PLEASE! DON'T. MY FRIENDS ARE LEAVING ME. 1 BY 1. Im so worried that after they went to ATC, their perceptions would change towards me. I'm terrified. Im scared that after they went to ATC, they would listen to rumors and change their perceptions towards me. God, I know i haven't come to You for a long time. I know that I've backslided. I never go to church anymore. But God, do You understand why i did not go?

God, please.. I only ask of You for this. Please.. Grant us some loan so that they wouldn't change their mind. Please.. I beg You!

betrayer?

am i really a betrayer of the family? I chose Christ instead of the family tradition.. to be a buddhist.. i broke my mom's heart.

:(

emo

and next week is my final. I have no mood to study at all.

the Christian thing

It was my mum who allowed me to go to church. It was her, who fetched me to church after massive begging from me. It was her, who covered for me.. the whole story about me going to church, from my dad.

still,

it is her who still can't accept the fact that i'm a Christian

im really upset.

I thought she accepted me for who i am all along.. but there's a part of me that she still cannot accept. And it breaks my heart to say this.

I uphold my family members into Your hands, Lord.. please soften their hearts and lead them to the way to salvation. Let them know who You are, that you are the way, the truth and the life.. that You are God, and You are real. Thank You God.. Thank You.. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.

I believe God will hear my prayers.. he knows whats in my heart. I have faith that 1 day, God will lead them to Salvation. 1 day.

YAY!

ahh

start the post off without havin to say OMG every time

Hheheh

Mom's outta surgery room at 1030

approximately 2 hours

hmm.. well she's in a great deal of pain now so she is alr sleeping soundly

AND U KNOW HOW BIG THE PAINKILLER IS?!

omg... SO HUGEEEE!!

and she swallowed.. 2 of them! 2!!

wow.. if it was for me i'd chew em off no matter how bitter they are

well hey.. i bet it feels better than havin them choked around your neck rite?

;)

GLAD THAT MOM MADE IT!

YAY MOM!

<3

waiting kills the most

omg.. waiting outside the operating room as we speak!

I REALLY do pray for ma mum's successful operation.

hope that she will be doing just fine!!!!

pls pls pls be well..

will b prayin for her speedy recovery

Ohhh

plus

GOD, PLEASE... let that NOT be a cancer.. i pray.. i beg You...

PLEASE!!!!