what should i do

Two of my besties are transferring to ATC next sem.. I do not want to leave PTPL.. i really do not.. and i want them to stay with me as well.. sigh.. Guess i can't have my cake and eat it too, and i guess.. trouble would not stay away from me. No peace. There are several reasons why i do not like atc

1. the location

hello? that place is packed. Even if i drive i dont know if im able to find parking. aihhh

2. The people

Lets face it. One of the main reasons is because they are there.. I do not need people labelling me as a "bitch" or some other name.. namely "fake", from some misunderstanding 2 years ago. I just want to be loved. I love it in PTPL. I feel belonged.. i feel loved.. mainly because of my classmates. I love Alicia and Ann.. They are my really good friends. I cant bear to leave them. My lecturers are awesome. I love Kevin.. He's my ultimate favourite, despite the constant teasing. lol. I like him even more than Siraj. (not more than a lecturer duh!!) I love Jane.. I really enjoy her class a lot.. I love the college. I love everything about it despite the somewhat old facility.

Monday morning.. before Kevin's class i was bombarded with the information Ann gave me: they confirmed that they both.. wanted to transfer to ATC. I was in a state of shock. I couldn't concentrate. I was trying to hold back my tears. I wanted to cry. Well in the end i did. All i asked was WHY?

The other day.. during sem break i met Alicia in Chilis.. When she told me that she was having thoughts about leaving, i prayed to God.. I told Him, please.. God, please do not take them away from me. Do not take my good friends away from me. Please.

But in the end, He did. Its not decided yet but GOD PLEASE! DON'T. MY FRIENDS ARE LEAVING ME. 1 BY 1. Im so worried that after they went to ATC, their perceptions would change towards me. I'm terrified. Im scared that after they went to ATC, they would listen to rumors and change their perceptions towards me. God, I know i haven't come to You for a long time. I know that I've backslided. I never go to church anymore. But God, do You understand why i did not go?

God, please.. I only ask of You for this. Please.. Grant us some loan so that they wouldn't change their mind. Please.. I beg You!

betrayer?

am i really a betrayer of the family? I chose Christ instead of the family tradition.. to be a buddhist.. i broke my mom's heart.

:(

emo

and next week is my final. I have no mood to study at all.

the Christian thing

It was my mum who allowed me to go to church. It was her, who fetched me to church after massive begging from me. It was her, who covered for me.. the whole story about me going to church, from my dad.

still,

it is her who still can't accept the fact that i'm a Christian

im really upset.

I thought she accepted me for who i am all along.. but there's a part of me that she still cannot accept. And it breaks my heart to say this.

I uphold my family members into Your hands, Lord.. please soften their hearts and lead them to the way to salvation. Let them know who You are, that you are the way, the truth and the life.. that You are God, and You are real. Thank You God.. Thank You.. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.

I believe God will hear my prayers.. he knows whats in my heart. I have faith that 1 day, God will lead them to Salvation. 1 day.

YAY!

ahh

start the post off without havin to say OMG every time

Hheheh

Mom's outta surgery room at 1030

approximately 2 hours

hmm.. well she's in a great deal of pain now so she is alr sleeping soundly

AND U KNOW HOW BIG THE PAINKILLER IS?!

omg... SO HUGEEEE!!

and she swallowed.. 2 of them! 2!!

wow.. if it was for me i'd chew em off no matter how bitter they are

well hey.. i bet it feels better than havin them choked around your neck rite?

;)

GLAD THAT MOM MADE IT!

YAY MOM!

<3

waiting kills the most

omg.. waiting outside the operating room as we speak!

I REALLY do pray for ma mum's successful operation.

hope that she will be doing just fine!!!!

pls pls pls be well..

will b prayin for her speedy recovery

Ohhh

plus

GOD, PLEASE... let that NOT be a cancer.. i pray.. i beg You...

PLEASE!!!!

mom, please be alrite

gosh.. im writing just seconds before leaving the house

MOM, please please go thru this surgery SAFELY.. been praying a lot

you'll be fine mom..

but why am i worried?

God, please look after her, protect her from any harm and please bring her back safely

this family needs her

without her as the pillar, everything will fall apart

thank U God, for everything.

I ask and I pray that the surgery will go well

I put all my faith in You

In the name of Jesus

Amen

cant get over you.. 2010.. help me

its 2010, i cant get over u yet.. why r u leaving such heavy scars in my heart? wound is slowly healing up, but it still hurts everytime i think of you..

i might never forgive you of what you did, but i still do miss you.. thats why i cant forgive you??

i have no idea.. why cant i forget about you like you did forget about me??

Friends come and go, and you left footprints in my heart.. along with a knife at my back.. that, hurts the most despite how much i looked out for you.. how much i loved you as my friend..