公公

Dear Grandpa,

Hello. How are you?

I'm writing you this letter despite me knowing that everything is too late.

I'm really sorry... I should have treated you much much better and spent more time with you. I should have been more patient. I should have been more kind. I should be more...

Maybe.. just maybe if I spent more time with you, I could use those time to introduce Jesus into your life. I could see you in heaven again the next time. I'm really sorry.

Grandpa, I thought about the past. How we spent time when I was very young. I thought old folks' home is the playground for old people and I actually thought of putting you there. That made your wife laugh in sinister. I remembered singing all the kindy songs for you upon returning home. I remembered that safe you gave me and big sis. The one where music plays upon slotting in the coins. I got 1 and my sis got another one. It was the elephant dressed up in black band suits from BSN. I clearly remembered that Then it got smashed by the maid (to take care of my mom upon birth of my lil bro)  trying to steal all the coins. Sad case.

Then I remembered us spending time as I grew older. Like years back. We used to go for lunch with mom and the rest of the siblings. I know you loved your grandchildren. I also know that due to this, you were disowned by your own children and kicked out of your house due to your wife's jealousy.

I'm sorry that you thought we never "picked" your side. I'm sorry to think that you were attention seeking. I'm sorry that I wasn't here for you.

Looking at your smart phone upon your demise really saddens me, I really wanted to cry then. It turned out that you were really clueless when it comes to fixing your alarm. Why didn't you ask me?

I know i wasn't so close to you. I should have heed the inner voice that spoke to me that I should spend time with you 2 days prior to your passing. You know what I did? I shook it off.

God knows how long it has been since we have last spoke.

I really miss you, and I'm sorry. I really am.

Now it's too late.

Dear mom

Mama did you know
How I have spent less time with you?
Perhaps all I wanted was for you to see how
Successful I am in life.
I feel like a failure. I cannot face you..
I do not want to disappoint you..
Yet it's the exact thing that's going on.

Mama did you know?
I just want to make you proud
I just want you to enjoy life
I want you to be happy, sit back and relax
And it kills me that I cannot give you all that
Not just yet

Mama,
I'm sorry for being the way I am.
I'm sorry that I cannot be successful
I'm sorry that I still feel so lost
I'm sorry that I can't give you a good life